Reprinted from Demon Magazine without permission

The U.S. Congress made a shocking and disturbing statement this week when they announced that the Oregon Trail is more than just a cheap computer game, it was an actual historical event. In fact thousands of settlers traveled the trail over several decades.

"I am very surprised at this announcement.", said Tony Wright of Wilmington, DE. "I loved to play the game, but I never thought it had any historical basis. I was always the banker from Boston--like there is really a place named Boston." "This is a major step forward in remembering our past", said Congressmen Richard Gephardt (D. Penn.). Rep Gephardt also announced the tragic death of Simeon at the hands of Typhoid.

The Congress also released a statement saying that these is also a state named Oregon. "This is completely mind-boggling", said Peter Westbrook of Boulder, CO. "With the addition of Oregon there are now 37 states!" Congress also announced that they would rather float down the Columbia River than pay for use of the Toll Road. Congress has still made no statement about the validity of spin off computer classic, Yukon Trail.

In a related story, the check for the Louisiana Purchased bounced and all the land will be returned to France at the end of the month.