Walkin Round In Women's Underwear

See, the thing about Christmas music is that it's either it's the same 30 or so songs that people have been singing for years, redone and redone and redone. Or they're hastily thrown together craptastic songs from Mariah Carey, Jessica Simpson and the other usual suspects aimed at making a quick cash-in on the holiday season. Either way, you end up with an inferior product. What happened to being original? Humorous thematic selections such as the CKY, Vandals, or Nerf Herder gems offer an alternative to the same hum-drum sonic assault that is normally heard in secular public environments.
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Karaoke Ringtones

Fun, but pricey.

Come to think of it. It's rather pointless too.

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Some Quick Reviews Of Popular New CDs

• Killers - Sam's Town: A couple good songs, not as good as the first one.
• Scissor Sisters - Ta Dah: Not as good as the first one.
• Paris Hilton - Paris: Rocks my socks off.
• Kevin Federline - Playing With Fire: Um...about as good as Paris, but more ironic. And it's really starting to grow on me.
  
• My Chemical Romance - The Black Parade: Are you fucking kidding me? Let's you hurt inside even if you're not emo.
• Deftones - Saturday Night Wrist: I thought about downloading it. Decided it wasn't worth the bandwidth.
  

So I've been rocking out to Paris Hilton's CD today. There was no one on the road this morning on the way to work, so I didn't feel like people were watching me. I don't think I was singing along and that's a good thing. The whole CD is bubblegum as fuck. I shouldn't be listening to this crap.

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64 Stairways To Heaven

Scary. Most scary, I tell you.

Ah, get it outta my head now!

"And she's buuuuying a lady to stair when they get to the stores and a heaven when you know, that we're trying to get where you came from..."

Why Do I Like Foreign Music?

Cause everything on the radio is crap. Have you ever seen the MTV? It sucks ass. All this regurgitated semen that they call music. I'd rather lick a bucket of assholes that subscribe to that Coldplay/U2/50 Cent shit that's hot these days. Shit, I'd rather listen to rusty spoons on a chalkboard.
So what, I don't understand it? It's different. It's interesting. It's something you're not going to hear blasting out of any other car in the USA. Well, maybe a couple. But I can almost guarantee you'll never hear it from anyone else you know.

If You Have My CD...

You know you might have a Lonely And Horny CD. And you're thinking "Hey, this CD sucks, what the fuck am I supposed to do with it when I'm not listening to it?"....

Well, I'm here to help. Follow the instructions closely, or your genitals will fall off.

Instructions:
Step Zero: Take your Lonely And Horny CD out of your glovebox, junk drawer, or safety deposit box. It's about to be cool again. (like Huey Lewis And The News!)
Step Uno: Go over to your CD rack, shelf, pile, whatever you have.
Step Deux: Find your U2 CD.
Step Deux And Heif: Put the U2 CD, liner notes and back cover in the litter box. And let your cat shit on it.
Step III: Print out the "Lonely And Horny" CD cover. Now available on this site!
Step 4x4: Put your Lonely And Horny CD and smashingly sexy cover artwork in the newly emptied CD case.
Step Pentagon: Fantasize about the band. Focus on their packages. Masturbate if needed.
Step Sexo: Write me a thank you letter for all the booty you snag because you played this CD in the car on the way home from the club.

Here's the cover, bitches: