You don't want to date me. I promise you. There is perhaps 1 or 2 girls in the entire world I could put up with. And could put up with me. I'm picky. Real picky. There's a lot I don't tolerate. I like girls that I can talk to. If I'm going to stick my penis in you, you damn well better be able to hold your own in the conversation afterward. And there's this thing I have...if you tell me something that I know not to be true, or generally just stupid..Especially in bed, I'm the nice guy and I won't call you out on it then and there. I might bring it up later. Or just hold it against you forever and not tell you. My friends are weird assholes. Andy...Unless you're his lady, he's not lady-friendly. Same with Kilbane. And everyone else. No one except my sister and Natalie has been able to consistently tolerate me and my guy-friends. No one. Period. And what it boils down to, is one of my friends will let me in on the secret that I'm dating a loon. And that's what it takes for me to realize the truth. I'm a freak in the bed. Yup. Guaranteed I'm into some weird shit and you are not into the same. It's not really the time to share, I'll tell you if you ask. But I'll just leave it at that. I'm also a freak in the bed. I have certain ways I like to sleep. I'm not a big fan of the cuddle-sleep. It ok to cuddle while I'm awake, but there is not one single position that is comfortable for me to sleep in while trying to cuddle with another person. Not one. Don't even try, ain't happening. I also have no qualms about cutting my toenails while I'm in bed. No, not to leave the clippings in bed or anything. I just like to be comfortable when I cut my toenails. It's only 2 times a month, so it's not every night... I get bored easily. This one is all too true. When it first starts out, it's great. Because I'm a freak for learning new things, and learning about people, this is when the relationship is the best. Which is perhaps true for most relationships, but whatever. Then once I start to know things, and the relationship gets to the point of leaving the bathroom door open and shit like that, I'm usually bored by then. 99% of all girls cannot keep my interest longer than a month or two. I know it sounds harsh, but it's true. Most girls are shallow. I hate to try to sound like a popous asshole, but whatever. I'm too confident. I know, sounds like a gift from heaven, but it's a curse. They say confidence is attractive, but what about so much that every girl you meet thinks you're an arrogant prick. If I'm proud of my car, I'm gonna talk about it. I love my phone, I'm going to use it. All the time. And talk about it. I may ignore you for it. Get used to it. I consider myself the man. Goes back to the old adage about aiming high, and if you hit above average you still did pretty good. I'm aiming as high as I can go. I give in to easily. I often settle for less than I'm worth. I accept things too easily. Often I commit to things with no intention of following through, just so I don't have to tell someone no. I hate telling people no. That's a major problem of mine. I want everything to go my way, but I don't want anyone to hate me for it. Everyone should love me. My dad and sister. I don't think they've ever both approved of anyone I've dated. My mom was different and mostly understanding of my motives. My brother just doesn't care. But if my family doesn't approve, then we most likely don't have a future. You have to get along with my family. Make them like you. At least fucking act like you have some interest in meeting them someday. I'm a kid at heart. I like fart jokes. I'm immature whenever I can be. I love goofing off and being stupid to the point of it annoying other people. This entertains me. I will have fun at your expense, no getting around it. I pick my nose while driving. I just don't care. About a lot of things. I'm a big fan of science and the big picture of things. I'm more concerned with what happens in the end than what happens along the way. It excites me more to think about my 401(k) than to think about what I'm working on today. I'd rather think about if you're marriage material or not rather than think about having fun on dates and just getting to know you. I will scrutinize, criticize, and tear apart every little detail of everything. People. Words. Images. I will draw conclusions based on what car you drive, the words you use, where you shop, where you work, what you want to do with your life, foods you eat, what you watch on tv....Everything. I will eat it up as raw information and parse it to no end. If you have something wrong with you, I will find it. I like my job. Too much. I'm extremely dedicated. I like to think I make a difference to my job, the company, the economy and people's lives. All this dedication drains me to no end. I spend 8+ hours a day at work. I spend 8 hours or less sleeping. That leave 4 hours Ben time, and 4 hours girlfriend time. Maybe. I don't like the whole "going out" thing. I dislike movie theaters. Dinner-out is expensive and wasteful. I like a girl that can just sit in a place like Waffle House or Caribou Coffee..and sit with me and read, drink coffee and not say a word. No uncomfortable silences. Perhaps pausing to ask each other a question or talk about something. But why do all girls feel like they need to talk about something, and if I prefer to read at the time, then I'm "neglecting" them. Whatever.
To be continued...
6 comments:
At least you know what you want. A lot of people don't. That's why they do the whole dating thing, to find out what exactly they want, or more particularly, what they don't.
Our friends are a hard bunch. For the most part, you either love them or hate them. You just have to be thick skinned.
to be continued?
christ.
if you're this good at details.. i want a detailed fucking list of everyone you think actually cares about this post.
im not on it.
oh and also.. lets have sex.
I don't give a fuck if you care, bex.
And yes, let's (notice the apostrophe, as in 'let us') have sex.
You and Andy belong together.
Here's your comment, see, I read your myspace bulletins. At least I do that.
Warnings for the future. The question is, who will get sick of who first? Do you think you are marriage material?
So you have a problem with your situation? You know there is an alternative. It's called being someone else.
Not possible you say? Well no shit.
I find it funny that I can't see a lot of difference between what you are saying about yourself and how I view myself. So for now you made me not feel like such a freak. But I tell you this Ben don't get into a relationship just because you can. I'm sure you have screwed enough girls now that you know your own sexuality so don't sweat it so much.
Believe me if you are really like you are stating I can assure you from my own experience that you will be happier by sticking to your own principles than if you compromise your self in order to have a relationship.
It is sad to say but in the long run concentrating on the 401 K will get you a lot better love life in the long run than concentrating on women. (sorry girls!)
It's pretty easy to get laid if you try hard enough and I am sure you know what to do. The problem may be that you already are smart enough to figure out the end of a relationship before most of them start. Like the first 10 minutes, so maybe you just tend to give up all pretense right away in order to not waste time.
The issue really is not with men these days because we pretty much know our roll in life but women don't have it so easy. They have been given quite a few mixed signals from feminism.
Also unless you knock someone up then the issue is that Women are pretty sure they don't even need men anymore since the government will take care of them and what ever children you had with them so when you try to hold them up to any standard then they will generally just find another dude that won't hold them accountable to anything.
I love sex but I love my self and my future just a little bit more. I don't want to hang around with a dumbass just to get laid on a regular basis. Dumb ass chicks are really easy to get into bed anyway so we both know you could get a girlfriend if you were willing to compromise yourself.
You ain't got it that bad Dude. After All you do drive a Volvo
If you are deep enough to know about and consider yourself a South Park Republican then good luck finding a soul mate. Women are not exactly encouraged to have long term relationships with men. As a matter of fact they are generally led to believe that the only man they need is Uncle Sam as he will provide everything and never say a cross word, ask too many questions or pass any judgments.
Jesus I hope I didn't misspell anything or use the wrong punctuation. Other wise you might make me feel bad. Ah fuck it.
till think that you should have Sex with Bex. I mean she offered, so why not?
But that may not be your point. See what she didn’t get was you are not saying that you can’t get sex. You are saying that it is not that easy to get women that you want to hang out with and to be your Pal or at least on the same page as you are.
Those are two different things.
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