New Year's Resolutions

Ever look back at your resolutions for the previous year and think about how stupid they were?

Some actually examples from my journal 12.25.03
"Stop biting my nails" (What was I thinking?)
"Get a new cell phone" (Apparently the one I had was broken or something. That's not a resolution, that's inevitability.)
"Dress nicer" (A nice thought, but that's stupid.)
"Get promoted at work" (Hmmm, I got fired, does that work?)
"Violently beat anyone that uses the term 'metrosexual'" (Now that's something I can do with a smile!)

Here's my brief theory on why people come up with such stupid resolutions: All the way up to November, no one even mentions such silliness. "New Years? It's July, you idiot." Yeah, you'd get beat up for such nonsense. Then Thanksgiving hits and vacations, etc. are on everyone's mind. Food, family, all that jazz. After Thanksgiving, it's Black Friday. Shopping, presents, commercialism, Satan..I mean, Santa, blah, blah, blah.... Then comes the hooplah with Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza, and Voodoo Day. After the presents, food, football, and fanfare is wrapped up around the 26th or 27th, that leaves a grand total of 5 or less days to come up with resolution. Unfortunately, the majority of thinking most people do is going to be the 5 or less seconds after someone asks them at work the next Monday. "So Bob, what's your New Years Resolution?" "Well, uh, the wife doesn't like me cutting my toenails in bed, so I guess I'll stop that...." or for the school kids: "Hey Jimmy, my dad's resolution is to stop cheating on my mom, what're you gonna do for a New Years Resolution?" "Well, I dunno man, maybe try to get laid more, or see if I can drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels by myself..."

This is pure stupidity, here's the solution: I propose, if a person wishes to come up with a resolution for New Year's. It should be submitted to themselves, family, friends, and coworkers no later than December 1st preceding the year they wish to resolve for. This ensures there was ample, unmolested thinking time involved in the decision, and said person actually resolves to accomplish stated goal. If a person is caught pandering on about resolutions birthed after the cut-off date of Dec 1st, that person shall recieve a punishment of no less than 20 blows to the head with a meat or pasta product of epic proportions. Additionally, this person will be labeled a "person of easy morals" for a length of time no shorter than up till and including February 14th.