Hey man, you're the shit

Ever notice how quickly a dog takes a shit? I'm talking like 10, maybe 15 seconds and it's over. Wham, bam, thank you, maam. It's amazing. Really, it takes me at least 10 minutes, sometimes longer depending on what I'm reading and how bad the smell is. Some Darwinists might argue it's an evolutionary thing that back in the day man was on the lookout for wild mammoths attacking so he probably took 2 second shits. That's horse-shit, but it'd be totally cool. If I could take shits in 2 seconds, it'd be dibbly fresh. Anywho, i've noticed that when I've got the runs, my shit's are usually shorter, attributed to the obvious viscosity factor and the smell factor as previously mentioned. On the flip side of the compact disc, it generally take a dog longer to do the runny thing. I guess it's cause they want to make sure it all drips out. I've always thought it to be the epitome of comedic value when a dog is dragging it's ass on the grass trying to wipe off all the liquid shit, then gets it all over their tail and shit. Ha ha, I can imagine it right now. So, you might be asking yourself, 'is there a point to all of this?" Well there is, and I'll tell you about it. Well, sorry, I lied. There is no point to it. But you had fun along the way, didn't you?