Best Things To Do When You're Depressed

• Kill people: Yeah sure, it's illegal or something. But what the hell, you're the one that is depressed, you should be able to do what you want. Use a chainsaw, then claim insanity if you get caught. Tell them it's because of the new Britney Spears CD.
• Pee on things: You're probably depressed because you're a wimp and you feel powerless over your life. Things not going your way? Just pee on things. The cat, a cop car, that homeless guy that asks you for change. Whatever, use your imagination. Gain that power back!
• Harass people on the internet: Sure, this is a kind of lame suggestion and it could backfire. Some guy could get mad and come burn your house down. But whatever, it'll be fun while it lasts. I recommend the forums at Dr. Phil's website or just be like everybody else and troll Digg.
• Drink lots of alcohol: Think this is a stupid idea? It probably is, but what the hell, maybe you'll become the next Hemingway while you're in a drunken stupor. All important people of modern era were alcoholics. Look it up, it's fact.